Funny sms


A priest saw a girl removing her blouse.

The priest prayed: God, please close my eyes.

When he opened his eyes, the girl was naked

This time he prayed God please close your eyes.

……………………………………………………..

A convicted rapist was sentenced to a death penalty.

He was 2 choose between being hanged or being injected with a seringe with HIV/AIDS blood.he choose to be injected with AIDS, after they have finished with him he never stoped laughing and they asked why r u laughing he just wispered and say i have put on a condom.

……………………………………………………..

Why women love gold more than men?

Because gold has 24 carrot whereas man has only one carrot.

Just imagine life without GIRLS

the result ===

markets silent

streets empty

the police at rest

……………………………………………………..

All mobile companies in loss

No SMS

No flowers

No candles

No perfumes

No travelling

ALL THE MEN DIRECT TO HEAVEN !!!

……………………………………………………..

I was cooking chicken.When added palak in it,

The chicken stood up and started dancing and saying

“Hum pe yeh kis ne hara rang dala,maar dala,Allah maar dala.

……………………………………………………..

Did u know what is mean by MAN

M=marvelous

A=and

N=nice

and the word WOMAN mean is

W=wanted

O=other

MAN=man

Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann’t smoke here.
Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.
Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn’t mean you start fucking here.
……………………………………………………..
Bachey k khatney k waqt nai ko mashwarey diye janey lagey.
Chachi Boli: Is k chacha jaisa Nokdar banana.
Mami Boli: Is k mama jaisi Gol Topi ho.
Nai Dhoti Utha Kar Bola: Aap ki marzi hai ji warna Fashion to yeh chal raha hai.
……………………………………………………..
U r walkin in road.
Grls r lookin at u & u r smiling smartly 2 them.
U don’t care any1.
but OPPS u just 4got 2 close ur PANTS CHAIN again & have no underware!
……………………………………………………..
Boys;Larkian pepsi ki tarah hoti hain,
Jitna pio utna ziada maza aata hay,
Girls;larkay juice ki tarah hotay hain,
Jab maza anay lagta hay to khataam ho jtay hain.
……………………………………………………..
Kafi americans chand per poanch gay han.
Listen. apnay mehbooba ko
chand mat kehna werna 3,4 log aus per be char jain gay. :-)

Class me teacher lacture de raha tha,

bachon ne dekha us ki zip khuli hui hai, bachay hansne lagay,
Teacher: kyun hans rahe ho, ab agar hansay ko bahir nikaal ke khara ker dunga.

……………………………………………………..

A 90 yr old man started making love with his 85 yr wife,

he started sucking her breats and after few seconds the man expired,

GUESS WHY?
Autoposy Report : death due to expired milk

……………………………………………………..

Ek jungle mein chuhay se sab dartey the,

agar sher us k samnay aa jata to dar kar bhaag jaata,

haathi bhi kahin chup jata,

aas paas k log yeh dekh kar preshaan huay or kaha aakhir kia maajra hai,

pata chala chuha MQM mein tha

……………………………………………………..

Teacher sabse garam chez kia he

stud: jalta howa bulb

tech: shabash woh kese

stud: meri mammi aik martaba mere papa se kehrahi thi

k pehle bulb band karo phir mon men longi

Patient: Doctor aap ko yakeen hai ke mujhay Namoonia (pneumonia) hai,

kyun ke pichlay dino aik doctor meri friend ka Namoonia ka ilaaj karta raha

aur woh Typhoid say mar gayi.
Munna: Haan ray meray ko pakka yaqeen hai,

tu namoonia say hi maray ga.

……………………………………………………..

Munna: Bolay to darad kahan hai aapko.
Patient(F): Pooray badan mien hai
Munna: Yeh kaisay ho sakta hai ray, kuch detail batao.
Patient: Tocuhes her right knee and says here,

then touches her earlobe and says here, then touches her
left cheek and says here, etc.
Munna: Aesay hi khaali peeli tension de reli hai, teri finger mien dard hai.

……………………………………………………..

Munna: Abay Circuit!

Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula ke laa,

meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai.

……………………………………………………..

A guy donated blood to his girlfriend.

After a while they broke up and he wanted it back.

The girl threw a pad at him and said. i’ll pay u back in monthly instalments.

Whose mother had the most painful delivery

Guess ?

Still Thinking…..

Ans: Sunny Deol

Why?

Becoz he himself said “Main nikla gadi lay kay”

……………………………………………………..

Wife: Zara dheere karo na kyun TezGaam chala rahe ho ?

Maalgaadi chalao na…………………

Itne mein beta bed se neeche gira aur bola………

Behanchod jo marji chalao par sawari ko to mat girao…

……………………………………………………..

Woman: Dr. sahab mujhe thode din bachha nahi chahiye.

Dr: Ye Condom le lo……..

Woman: Ye pani ke sath lu ya doodh ke saath…

Dr: Kele ke saath!!!!!!!!!!!

……………………………………………………..

Teacher: “LOVE” kia Hai

Ali: Sir “L” ko pakar k “O” ko duba k “V” main Ghusa k

jab “E” ki Awaz aye to usay “LOVE” kehtay hain.

Boys;Larkian pepsi ki tarah hoti hain,

Jitna pio utna ziada maza aata hay,

Girls;larkay juice ki tarah hotay hain,

Jab maza anay lagta hay to khataam ho jtay hain.

……………………………………………………..

Boy say 2girl “agar may tumhary brest daba kar bag jao

to tum kya socho gee||?”

girl

“to may socho gee ke aik pagal go poore car chala sakta tha

sirf horan daba kar bag geya |” hahahahah

……………………………………………………..

Kafi americans chand per poanch gay han.

Listen. apnay mehbooba ko

chand mat kehna werna 3,4 log aus per be char jain gay. :-)

……………………………………………………..

AT 18 a lady is like a football, 22 men behind her,

at 28 a basketball, 10 men behind her,

at 38 a golf ball, 1 man behind her,

at 48 a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other.

Sales Girl: sorry sir you cann’t smoke here.

Customer: but i bought cigarate from this shop.

Sales Girl: we sell condom also but it dosn’t mean you start fucking here.

……………………………………………………..

Bachey k khatney k waqt nai ko mashwarey diye janey lagey.

Chachi Boli: Is k chacha jaisa Nokdar banana.

Mami Boli: Is k mama jaisi Gol Topi ho.

Nai Dhoti Utha Kar Bola: Aap ki marzi hai ji warna Fashion to yeh chal raha hai.

……………………………………………………..

U r walkin in road. Grls r lookin at u & u r smiling

Smartly 2 them. U don’t care any1.

But OPPS u just 4got 2 close ur PANTS CHAIN again & have no underware!
A FAMILY SAW ”SHOLAY” MOVIE

CAME BACK HOME AND HUSBAND ROMANTICALLY SAID TO WIFE

” NACH BASANTI NACH”

CHILD ADDED

”NAHIN BASANTI IS KUTE K SAMNE MAT NACHNA”

……………………………………………………..

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

……………………………………………………..

1 punjabi 1 Sindhi or 1 PATHAN Dozakh main thae.

Or teenon ke khawahish the k woh zameen par ayeen.

Akhir kaar un ko zameen par jany ke ijazat mil gaye but 1 shart par k woh zameen par ja kar koi khawish nahe karain ge .. agar unhon ne koi khawahish ke to Wapas DOZAKH main baij diye jayen ge. teenon punjabi pathan oor sindhi ja rahy thae k Sindhi ko book lag gaye oor uss ne Khana khany ke shadeed khawhish ke. jaisy he uss ne khawhish ke Sath main he Sindhi gayeeb ho giya. ab punjabi oor pathan reh gaye thae. Ab punjabi ne Zameen Par se Khuch uthany k liye neechy huwa.(RAKOO WALY HALAT MAIN) to jab woh seeda huwa to Peechy Se pathan Gayeeb ho chuka tha .. =))

Moral.. Pathan Ke Khawahish Bury Balaa hai hamid ali

……………………………………………………..

Why can’t u trust a woman ?

Ans : How can u trust something that bleeds for five days and does’nt die Kush

FATHER: How are your grades, son?

SON: Under water, Dad.

FATHER: Under water? What do you mean?

SON: They’re below C level.

……………………………………………………..

 STUDENT: But I don’t think I deserve a zero on this exam.

TEACHER: Neither do I, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.

……………………………………………………..

Computor Teacher asks a kid wat r d two latest varjons of java?

Kid Told 1)MARJAVA N 2)MITJAVA,

Ishq me dil jaan b naam tere kar java java.

……………………………………………………..

Pj of d yr-Jiska dil tut gaya hai uske pass genrl knwldge

kyu nahi hota hai???Socho??Kyoki Jab dil hi tut gaya to ”G.K” kya kare.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the Field”

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher : How?

Student : Ladies First.

……………………………………………………..

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

……………………………………………………..

Aik dafa aik aeroplane main 3 mussafir safar kar rahe they .

In main se aik russian tha aik american aur aik pakistani tha.

Ittifaq se teeno aik sath bethey howe they . russian ne kaha k space par sab se pehley ham gaye they.American ne kaha k sab se Pehley chand par ham gaye they.Pakistani ne kuch der tak socha aur phir hansa aur kaha k inshallah sab se pehley sooraj (sun) par ham jaye gay.

Indian mathematicians meeting held at New Delhi yesterday - they

have decided to change the name of zero. The new name will be GANGULY.NOMA–

……………………………………………………..

A young boy was arrested for murder,

his father went to visit him in prison.

he told him that their is densely grass around the house and u c that i am old enough,

2 dig those grass. u were the 1 who must dig those grass.

Boy replied pls don`t ever dig those grass bcoz i hide many guns there.

His dad tell the police about it, the police went there and dig all over but they finds nothing.

Dad went back to his son he said police have dug those grass but they did`nt anything.

boy replied i was trying to assist u.

……………………………………………………..

 Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.

Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Husband to a newly wed Wife

Husband to a newly wed Wife.I could go to the end of the worldfor u,,

wife thanks, but promise me u will stay there.

……………………………………………………..

A sardar was running with his pregnent wife

A sardar was running with his pregnent wife,who was about to deliver, when another sardar asked him, O pernam singh, oye woti nu ais haal vitch le ke kithey puj rya vain, pernam singh replied,assi Pizza hut chaley aan, sunya aa othey free delivery hondi aaa.

Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?

Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?

Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye!

……………………………………………………..

Man:what is million years to u?

Man:what is million years to u?

God:only a second.

Man:what is billion of Dollar.to u?

God:only a Coin.

Man:ok give me a Coin.

God:wait a second….

……………………………………………………..

Sardar ji to his friend:

sardar ji to his friend: Yar bari ushkil main hoon mairi bivi mujh say aik kiss ka 100 RS laiti hay ….. friend: acha, yar to bara lucky hay doosron say to wo 500RS laiti hay.

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.

Doctor : Didn’t the new glasses help?

Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.!!

……………………………………………………..

Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa…

Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua thaa…

Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.

Husband: Aise jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete hon!!

……………………………………………………..

After a quarrel, a husband said

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”

She replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn’t notice.”

A Train is bout2 crash. A frantic virgin strips off n says:

A Train is bout2 crash. A frantic virgin strips off n says:

” Can anyone make me feel like a woman b4 I die?”

So a man takes off his clothes n say,”Iron these!”

……………………………………………………..

A woman goes 2 a dentist 4 tooth extraction

A woman goes 2 a dentist 4 tooth extraction

doc tells her 2 lie down and gets ready with tools

lady lifts her skirt,doc says im not a gynacologist im dentist

she says i want to get my hubbys tooth removed

……………………………………………………..

Mother to Teenage Daughter

Mother to Teenage Daughter : “I think its time that we should talk about SEX.”

Daughter : “Yes Mom, What do You want to know ?”.

what’s common between the SUN & WOMEN’S

what’s common between the SUN & WOMEN’S UNDERWEAR?

1) both are hott

2) both look better while going down

3) both disappear by night…………

What do you call a wife who is sexy,

What do you call a wife who is sexy,

beautiful,intelligent,understanding,

caring, never jealous and a great cook?

ANSWER : A rumour!

……………………………………………………..

Husband asks,Do u know the meaning of WIFE.

Husband asks,Do u know the meaning of WIFE.

It means…Without Information Fighting Evrytime!

WIFE on hearing this says,

it could also mean-With Idiot For Ever.

……………………………………………………..

Early to bed and early to rise makes ur girlfriend

Early to bed and early to rise makes ur girlfriend go out with other guys.

Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?

The suspicious wife sneered.

No I cant the husband replied. I distinctly remember taking my shirt off. —

…………………………………………………….

Life is like a P–nIS.

Sometimes up somtms down,

smtms hard smtms soft,

smtms small smtms big,

smtmms in smtms out.

So enjoy da PE-iS….OOOps, I mean life.

…………………………………………………….

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

A:About 45 pounds!!

Girls before marriage look like barbi Doll

After mariage beautiful Doll

After 1 year nice Doll

After 2 Years only Doll

& After 3 Years panaDoll

…………………………………………………….

Aik adimi ne apni wife ko khat likha

“is mahene salary k badley 100 kiss bhej raha hoon.

wife ne jawab diya “app ki salray k badley 100 kiss miley,

hisaab bhej rahi hoon.1.doodh wala 2 kiss mea maan giya 2.

teacher ko 7 kiss deni pari,

3.sabzi wala 7 kiss mea nahi maana isliye 9 deni pari.

4makaan malik to rooz 6-7 kiss le jata hay.

app fiker nahi kerna,mere pass abhi lag bhag 30,40 kiss or hain.

MAHINA ARAM SE KAT JAEY GA

…………………………………………………….

A childhood never seen his hips once his teacher beat with ruler n his hips…

he was very angry he came bacand saw his hips in the mirror n said:

(KAMEENE NE DO TUKREY KAR DIYe)

BOY : May I hold your hand ??

GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy

Full Name: Irfan Sunpal

Teacher: “I killed a person” convert this sentence into future tense.

Student: The future tense is “You will go to jail”.

…………………………………………………….

Man said to God : Why did you make women so beautiful?

God said to man : So that you will love them.

Man said to God : But why did you make them so dumb?

God said to man : So that they will love you.

…………………………………………………….

Son: Dad, what is an idiot?

Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?

Son: No.

Wives r Incoming Calls

Lovers r Outgoing Calls

Aunties r Tollfree Calls

Callgirls r Roaming Calls

Neighbour Girls r Missed Calls

…………………………………………………….

Wife asked his husband how many women he had slept with.

Husband proudly replies, only you darling, with others I was awake!!

…………………………………………………….

Young girl praying:pls God marry me with intelligent man

god replied: thats impossible, because intelligent men don’t get married

A man wanted sex from his wife,

and a wife refused and said that she was tired

and gave her husband 50bucks and said go buy from prostitutes.

he came back and wife asked where did u buy from?

The husband said i bought from maNKOSI,

The wife said yeses!!maNKOSI is greedy why I give her husband 4 free!!

…………………………………………………….

HUM NY 1 TEETAR PAKRA UR PINGRAY

MAIN BAND KIA TO WOH PICHY SE NIKAL GAYA.

PHIR PAKRA TO WOH PICHY SE NIKAL

GUSSA AYA PAKRA KATA auR KAHAYA TO WOH PHIR PICHY SE NIKAL GAYA

Secretary to Boss : sir aap mujhay 500 rupey day sakte hein

main aapko kal dey doongi?

Boss : yeh lo 1000 Rupay, abhi dey do ;)

…………………………………………………….

Subjiwala: madam ye 500 ka

note blouse se nikala hai kya?

Madam: hann par kaise laga?

Subjiwala: gandhiji ka muh

abhi bhi khula hua hai!

…………………………………………………….

Husband touched boobs and

sung: Piyo glass full doodh,

wonderful doodh.

Immediately wife touched

his penis n said: Thanda

matlab CHOTA COKE!

2 Khoosrey kahin jaa rahey they

unn mien se ek neechey gir gya tu dusri ne usey uthatey huey kaha

UTHO BEHAN MARD BANO..

…………………………………………………….

A 60 years old bachelor advertises his Zaoorat-e-rishta

after a month he got a letter

“mian sahib” iss umar mein RISHTA nahi FARISHTAY aata hein.

…………………………………………………….

Ramlal, Bagwan say.

Bahgwan mujhy dukh de,

dard de,

tension de,

mujay pagal banady

mery pachey kutty laga de.

Bahgwan bat kat ker aby sale ek line mein kiyon nahee bolta tuj ko biwi chaie.

Girls Psychology - Fraud with Innocent Boys;

Fun with Handsome Boys; Friendship with Charming Boys;

Contacts with Intelligent Boys; Flirt with Freaky Boys;

Love with Faithful Boys & in the end Marriage with the Rich Boy..

…………………………………………………….

Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha.

2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya.

3rd day koi aur ladki thi.

4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha

Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

…………………………………………………….

Tum ne mere tan se khela

tum ne mere mann se khela

well played oye well played hardyboy

…………………………………………………….

1 sardar ulta nanga leta hota hai

1 naughty boy ata hai aur uski ASS per tabla baja ker chala jata hai

is per sardar ulta hota hai aur kehta hai “ae ley hun bansri vi vaja le”

…………………………………………………….

Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.

It means…Without Information Fighting Everytime!

WIFE satys No, it means -

With Idiot for Ever ,

Teacher: what do u wish to do in future ?

Ali : I want 2 b pilot.

Hasan : Iwant 2 b docter

sana I want 2 b mother

Abid : !want 2 help sana shazaib

frog:tumhare pas dimag nahi hai

srdar:hai

frog:nahi hai

sardar:hai

frog:nahi hai,and jumps into a well

sardar-ismey sucide karne wali konsi baat thi.

…………………………………………………….

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? ,

Customer: What other colors do you have?

…………………………………………………….

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.,

Wife: I think he did, I’ve still got mine with me!

Newtons First Law of ishq

the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite

to the force applied by the girl while using her sandals

Newtons 2nd law of ishq

the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is

directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and

the direction of this love is same to as increament or decreament of the

bank balance.

Newtons First Law of Ishq

a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl

in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, untill on unless

any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and

break the legs of the boy.

…………………………………………………….

Bus Me 1 Khusra,Or us ki back side par,

Ek baba ji thay….

Pechy se kisi sharir larky na..

Khusry ko ungli charha di,

Or khud pechy hat gia ….

Khusry nay pichy mur kar baby se kaha,

Baba ji main sadky Ay miss call tusi diti ay?

Baby nay apni DOTI utha kar kaar kaha

Nahi Ballo! Mera tey Balance ei khatam Ay !

Girl: Aisa khat likho sajna,

meri umar beet jaye parrhtey parrhtey

Boy

(i=0i>xE’l1i+;e_y#a#>#”e!%;

=*?#@?w@’e*,e(p+>i*

Le Sajni ab parrh!!

…………………………………………………….

Boy says to girl main tum ko without tuch kiya kiss karoo ga ….

Girl says ye to ho hi nahi sakta….

Boy says to lag hai 20 20 rupay ki ….

Girl says ok….

Boy kissed girl titely….

Girl says tum ne to mujay tuch kiya hai …..

Boy say ye loo 20 rupay.

…………………………………………………….

Ek chote se bachche ko roj rat main susu lagti thi

to uski mamai ne kaha beta jab tere ko susu lage to bol diya kar

ki mughe gana gana hai to mai samagh jaugi ,

Ek bat uska papa wah papa ke sath soya to rat me bolta hai papa gana gana hai

Papa bola beta rat main nahi gate hain per jab ladka na mana to bap bola acha dheere se kaan main ga de….

Girlfriend: Are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday.

Teacher:”Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?”

Johnny:”Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.”

…………………………………………………….

Sardar g aaj raat billi phir sara doodh pee gai

“sardar” bewi kitni bar kaha hay k kapray utar kar na soea karo.

…………………………………………………….

Teacher :Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.

Everyone must attend it.

Raju:No ma’m! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher :Why?

Raju:My mother will not allow me to go so farr !!

…………………………………………………….

Teacher :Because of Gandhiji’s hard work what do we get on 15th August.

Student:A HOLIDAY

Teacher:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .

Then,what is my age?

STUDENT:32 yrs.

Teacher:How do you know?

STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

Rizwan: Doctor say help me,

mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai,

Aadmi nahi dikhta.

Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?

Rizwan: Phone karte waqt

…………………………………………………….

Husband aur wife hotel me gaye tabhi 1 lady ne

Hello kiya,

Wife- koun thi wo?

Hus-Tum dimag kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hu ki woh bhi Yehi puchegi.

…………………………………………………….

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?

Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.

Wife: Kitni mari?

Man: 3 male aur 2 female.

Wife: Kaise malum?

Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se…

Hum bhi by sahara tum bhi by sahara!!

Hum bhi by sahara tum bhi by sahara ???????

Fitty mo0 tumhara fitty m0o hamara.

…………………………………………………….

Teri zulfeyn Raat ka andhera,

Teri zulfeyn Raat ka andhera

Kaat du useey toh ho jaye sawera…

…………………………………………………….

Kashti toofan sy nikal sakti hai,

Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt badal sakti hai,

Hosla rakh channel na badal SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt jhuk skti hai

…………………………………………………….

**Twinkle Twinkle little star**

Teri girl friend gaee bazar

usko milgaya dosra yaar

ab tou beth kar makhiyaan maar..!!

PHILOSOPHY : small things hurt a lot

Example : u can sit on a mountain but not on a pin…

…………………………………………….

A girl says to her boyfriend,

One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.

The guy says thanks for the warning!

…………………………………………….

Girls.doctor mai apne jub hi kaprey

otarti ho tu mujeh boht uljhan hoti hai kiya aap kw pass is ka elaaj hai

doctor.yes mai light off karat ho tum kaprey uttaro.

girl.yes doctor mai ne kaprey uttar diye hai per esse kaha rakho.

doctor. yaha tabel per jaha mere rakhey hoi hai.

Gabbar: Basanti chaddi utar.

Viru: nahi Basantiin kutto

ke samne chaddi mat utarna.

Basanti: Viru dar mat maine

chaddi pahni hi nahi hai…

…………………………………………….

A sexy woman like a 1000 rupee note,

u don’t know how many have handled it but u still want 2 have it.

…………………………………………….

Wife mean

w-who

i-is

f- for

e- enjoyment

and husband mean

h-how

u- u

s- serve

b- batter

a- and

n- nice

d- darling

…………………………………………….

Wife- i will die. Husband- i will also die.

Wife- Why do you want 2 die?

hosband- bcoz ma itni khushi bardasht nahi kar sakta:!

Man said passionately: Will you marry me?

My father is a millionaire and 93 years old.

He is going to die soon and then I shall be very very rich.

What do you say? She said nothing but a week later, she became his mother!

…………………………………………….

Three Ways of fast Communication

1: Television

2: Telephone

3: Tell-a-women

…………………………………………….

Devdas says to paro:aik sham mera naam ker do.

paro : ja ja main kahan or tu kahan.

Devdas:itna garoor tu CHAND ko bhi nahin hai.

Paro:kase hota CHAND per dagh jo hain.

Devdas called his son(CHAND):Tu aaj phir nahi nahea…

World’s

Smallest

resignation

letter?

Respected sir,

I luv ur wife.

…………………………………………….

There are three wonders of a woman

01. Give milk without eating grass

02. Get wet without water

03. Bleed for a week without going to die

…………………………………………….

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago,

he hasn`t come back yet!

Santa: Why don`t u cook something else.

One day three men walk 2 de bar

they serve them they start with the first one

what ul like sir he said jack daniel singl,

the other one said jonny walker single soccer player said siyabonga nomvete married

…………………………………………….

Dear customer ur underwear validity for 1 year is over.

Pls change ur underwear today and enjoy mega 1 year validity

…………………………………………….

Teacher:”Now,children,

if I saw a man beating a donkey n stopped him,

wht virtue wuld I be showing?”

Student:”Brotherly love

…………………………………………….

MOm:tujhi ladka passand Aaya ho to baat agay Chalayen…

Girl:ladka to thek hai par thoda motta hia ..

Mom:TV Chahe 14″ ka ho ya phir 29″ ka remote 6″ ka hi hota hai..

1 man asked to other

a man died to drinking a milk, Tell me y this happen ?

other man replied,

it would poissionus milk .

the man said no ,

then again he replied,

the milk was’nt diggeust.

man again said no…………..

ok

lett i tell u “abay yaar bhains us per baith gai thi”

…………………………………………….

Man:Dr Mujhe normal potti nahi aati,

Chawal khaya to chawal nikle,Roti khayi to roti,

normal k liye kya karu,Dr:PoTTI KHA!!!!

…………………………………………….

EK UNPARE(ILLETERATE)CONDUCTER SE:

“GAREE MAI JAGA HAI”.COND:

“HA EK ADMEE KEE”.SAWAREE:

“LEKEN MERE PASS DO LADIES B HAI”.COND:

“TUM BETOO MAI LADIES KO OPPER BAND LOANGA”

Child:Mom is bar saray patakhay hum is shop say lain gay,

Mom:Beta yeh tu girls hostel hai,

Child:Papa tu kahtay hain k sari phuljhariyan yahin rahti hain.

…………………………………………….

Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?

Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye,

Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye

…………………………………………….

Tcher: 3 grls are walking in da road.

Turn the sentence in to exclamitory.

studnt: WOW!

What a bad day 4 elisa! her mom & dad went out 2 a church

so she decided 2 invite her boyfriend Dipopo 2 come with his friend Khali

bcoz she’s left alone @ home.

The 2 arrived in time, her parents came back unexpectedly 4rom Church @

she told Dipopo 2 hide under the bed & khali ot top of the wadrop@

her bedroom, both of them went 2 her bedroom.

Her dad asked how was her day? & she said,”mmmmm,,,, fine” & her Mom said,

“The 1 who is on top knows everythin(refering 2 God with a finger)” emmidiatly Khali had that, he jumped down from the wadrop & said, the 1 who knows everything is the 1 under the bed.

 Ek aadmi Ki Biwi Gum Ho gaiee.

Who Ramji ke Mandir gaya.

Ramji ne kaha,

Wats baaju mein Viraajmaan Hanuman se Prarthana kar,

meri bhi unho ne dhoondhi thi.

…………………………………………….

One night, Mooch was making love for the first time after the wedding.

She saw it all on TV but the husband was like,

“Man, you cry lke the virgin but you know how to give it all to me, in all angles to fuck it”

…………………………………………….

Why are Egyptian’s Children always confused??

  Coz after death, their DADDY becomes the MUMMY.

…………………………………………….

Romance Mathematics

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy.

Teacher teaching algebra to student

A=B=C

it means A=C

sir asked 2 giv exampl 4 it

student: sir i luv u,

u luv ur daughter, it means i luv ur daughter.

…………………………………………….

NEWTONS LAW OF LOVE:-

LOVE CAN NEITHER B CREATED NOR DESTROYD

BUT IT CAN ONLY B CHNGD FRM ONE GRL TO ANTHR

WID D LOSS OF MONEY.

…………………………………………….

A MAN PUT A LAMP ON HIS WIFE HEAD

AND SAID TO HER IF YOU LIED THESE LAMP WILL TURN ON

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ????? SHE SAID YES ….

THE LAMP TURNED ON !!!!

1986 ke girl; Mama jeans pehen lon

Mom;Na baiti log kiya kahen gay.

2006 ke girl;Mama mini skirt pehen lon

Mom; pehen baiti kuch to pehen………….

…………………………………………….

Girls are like an internet virus,

they enter ur life, scan ur poket ,

transfer ur money, edit ur mind,

download their problems

delete ur smiles and hang u for ever.

…………………………………………….

How Do U Tell To UR Girlfriend If U Want 2 go 2 Toilet During Dinner?

Darling,I’ve 2 Shake Hands with a Close friend of MIne

Whom I’m Going 2 introduce 2 u Later.

A young man asked a priest………

Father!Is it a sin to sleep with a girl?….

Priest!N my child….But problem is that u guys never SLEEP….

…………………………………………….

 man gave his testes to boy to play.

they threw moni on him he pressurisd them and man dead fakhar

…………………………………………….

I want to fuck u from day to late night

so that u get pragnant.

and i will kill ur child so that i got lot of money

from insurance policy of ur child

Sharabi eyes donate karne gaya,

Counter Clerk asks: Kuch kehna chahte ho?

Sharabi: Jise lagao usse bata dena ye

do peg ke baad khulti hain adil(not doing love)

…………………………………………….

A mother bought her son a $39 Halloween costume to scare his friends

“Should I take the price tag off?”,

the boy asked. “Leave it on,” his mother replied.

“We’ll scare your father too.

…………………………………………….

Son:Papa,Sab log Shadi Karke Pareshan hain,

To Shadi Kyo Karte Hain.?

Papa:Beta,Akal Badaam Khane se nahi,

Thokar Khake Ati He Anusheel Jauhari.

A kid says to teacher:techer meri ammi ko bacha hojaye ga.

teacher says: yes

kid:meri anty ko bacha ho jayega.

teacher yes.

kid: teacher aap ko bacha ho jaye ga.

teacher yes.

kid: teacher is munni ko bacha ho jaye ga.

teacher no beta ye abhi bohat choti hay.

kid : dekha munni men ne kaha tha na kuch nahi hoga.

…………………………………………….

Can U name FIVE Great KINGS

who have brought HAPPINESS into PEOPLES LIVES??

ANSWER: “drin-KING,

smo-KING,

lic-KING,

suc-KING & of course fucKING

…………………………………………….

Two snakes meet each other..

First snake:I hope I am not poisonous.

Second snake:Why?

First snake:Because I bit my lip!

One is looking very upset by thinking that…….

“HOW HIS SISTER HAS 2 BRITHERS AND HE HAS ONLY ONE”

…………………………………………….

Two ladies were working in a furniture shop,

one for ELLERINES and

other one was working for WONDER

furniture shop they use to take the same bus at same stop at the same time.

So other day they were waiting until late and the

lady thats works for WONDER said “I WONDER WHY THIS BUS IS LATE”

and the other lady didnt want to be left out she said “I ELLERINES WHATS WRONG?

…………………………………………….

A womman was bragging to her neighbour about her son,

a university student. “Our son is so brilliant,

every time we get a letter from him we have tio go to the dictionary,

” said a proud mom. “You are lucky, “the neighbour said.

“Every time we get a letter from ours, we have to go to the bank!”

Q-Why is reading a Playboy/

Playgirl magazine like reading National Geographic?

A-U get 2 see many great places u dont get 2 visit

…………………………………………….

Judge-y did u attack tat young man?

Old lady- he grabbed me, took my clothes off,

threw me on d bed & shouted APRIL FOOL!

…………………………………………….

A girl & her grandma were sitting in the balcony.

Girl shouted to her mother[who was inside]“mom, Tom cruise is coming”

Mother:”you come inside”

Few minutes later Girl shouted, “mom, Clinton is coming”

Mother:”Ask your Grandma also to come inside”

PATENT:- DOCTOR SAABH MUJHE BAHUT PATLE DAST AA RAHE HAI

DOCTOR:- KITNE PATLE

PATENT:- DOCTOR SAABH BAHUT PATLE

DOCTOR:- KITNE PATLE

PATENT:- SAABH ITNE PATLE KI SMS PADNE VALLA KULLA KAR LE .

…………………………………………….

Man: sir i m married, i had 10 childs,

plz tell me my favorite stone, favorite star,

& favorite number, Astropamist: Oh. No.

ab ap ka guzara SABAZ SITARA sey hi ho ga……

…………………………………………….

Eight man r raping a woman ..

the woman is laughing nonstop ..

so after the men get bugged n ask her y she laughing ..s

he replies ” mujhe AIDS hai “

No men no women

No women no love

no love no sex

no sex no children

no children no school

no school

no homework

no homework no problems!

…………………………………………….

Class main ek larki biskit kha rahi thi

thora kha k breziar ma chupa liya,

Sir ne pucha ye kya kr rahe ho?

sat wala bola dood ma dabo dabo k kha rahe ha

…………………………………………….

Jis dor may telephone digital nahe hua kartay thay

CLI nahe aya tha, us waqt log police stations phone kar kay

police walon ko abusing kartay thay.

Aisay hee dore main aik larkay nay thanay phone kia

Larka: hello kon?

SHO: SHO thana bola khan speaking.

Larka: Ap kay hath main is waqt kia hay?

SHO : Danda

Larka: Ussay apni G***D may lay lo

SHo bara gussa hua, Exchange phone kia aur number manga kay kahan say phone aya tha, aaaddhay ghantay bad number mila SHO nay call kee to koi aur awaz sunai dee

SHO : hello is number say mujhay abhee kisi bachay nay phone kia tha aur abusing kee hay main SHO thana bola khan bol raha hoon, aapka larka bara bat tammez hay issay kuch tamez sikhaen.

FAther: ohhh sory lekin us nay kahan kia tha?

SHO: Kehta tha kon ho mai nay kaha SHO bola hath mai kia hay may nay kahan Danda, kehta tha G***D may lay lo

FATHER: Ohhhhh sory , wesay kitnay dair pehlay kee baat hay?

SHO aadha ghanta

FATHER: to phir ab bahir nikaal lo.

Boy to girl in romantic mood”Mug sa Shadi karoo gi?”

She reply “dakhee thi achi film hay”

Boy to girl”Yaar aag kaal shahre sa texiya katam hoo gayee hay”

She reply” kiya kare bai Riksha jo chalne shoroo hoo gaye hay”

…………………………………………….

Ek aadmi apni biwi ka antim sanskar kar ke,

Ghar ja raha tha ke achanak bijli, Chamki,

Badal garje, Zor se barish shuru hoi,

Aadmi bola lagta hai pahunch gai.

…………………………………………….

8 years boy caught in RAPE case.

Lady lawyer holds his penis & says UR HONOUR see him,

can he RAPE? Boy silently: HILA MAT WARNA CASE HAAR JAYEGI.

A baby boy & baby girl making bath in bath tab.

baby Girl saw down of boy and asked.

can i touch your peen,

OH NO NEVER.

you have already broken your own

…………………………………………….

Pledge of BOYS - India is our nation,

girls r our destination,

dating is our occupation,

flirting is our proffesion,

to hell with education…

…………………………………………….

Ek bus mein ladko aur ladkiyo ki team bani

antakshari khelne ke liye.

Girls: Hum tumko harakar dikhayenge..

Boys: Hum haar gaye, chalo ab dikhao…

Kisi VAKEEL s pyar mat karna vo kahega

“I OBJECT” Kisi DOCTOR S pyar mat karna vo kahega

“NEXT” Pyar karna TEACHER Se kahega”DO IT 5Times”

…………………………………………….

Teacher:Name

5 polar Animals ?

student:Raindeer

n

his

3

brothers……….

n

a

sister……..

…………………………………………….

3 sardar where going on a motor cycle.

policeman gives hand to stop sardar shouted

oye pehle hi teen bhete hai tu kaha bethega…!

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don’t know.

Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called?

Student: They r called Germs.

…………………………………………….

Boy asks: Tute hue dil se pyar karogi,

ya dil tutne tak pyar karogi.

Girl replies: Tute hue sandal se pitoge

ya sandal ke tutne tk pitoge..

…………………………………………….

A Nurse come in Doc’s Room.

Docs Asks: Why is ur one Boob out of ur Shirt?

Nurse ans:

Oh! These medical students never keep the things at place after use.

A guy & his girlfriend were bored anb had nothing 2 do,

de guy suggested:’let’s play a little game,

i’ll b chiefs and u b pirates.

de girl protested:no no,u just want 2 f**ck me..

…………………………………………….

Man1:did u know that more than 97% of the ppl have tv’s than bathtubs??…

man2: which proves that more brains are washed than bodies… Anopheles

woman:”last night i dreamt of u buying me a diamond necklace”

man:”tonight, go to sleep and enjoy wearing it”

…………………………………………….

A mobile is like women :-

TALKS NON-STOP,

COSTS A FORTUNE,

DISTURBS WHEN UR BUSY AND

WHEN U NEED THEM URGENTLY

THEY HAVE NO SERVICE..

Girl: aamir u will try to kiss me ,

mien shor macha don gi,

boy:likan yaha tu door door tak koi nahien hay.

girl:i know but formilty tu karni hi pare gi

…………………………………………….

Teacher: anita ne gass kai : is ka future tens batao?

sardar student: anita kal dhood degi hahahaha

…………………………………………….

Aj ki taza khabar 10 ko bewkoof banaya. . .

plz press down 4 details. . .

Ab ki taza khabar 11 ko bewkoof banaya..

God apun se puchha, kidhar jana mangta?

SWARG YA NARK?

Apun bola NARK!

Apun janta,tum saala dost log udharich milega.

Aur jidhar tum log,woich apun ka swarg;

…………………………………………….

Always keep a picture of ur wife in

ur wallet look at it when u r in trouble

u will feel that other problems r not as big as this one

…………………………………………….

lady drinking coke, machar falls in .

lady take it out ,

machar says ;maaaaaaaa

lady ask why u did u call me maaaaaaaaaaaa

machar says mien teri kook(COKE) se nikla hon maaaaaaaaaaaaa

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