I'm sure there's a raft of words floating down that river which leads to a brighter tomorrow.

There is an edge that some of us will come to in our lives. It is like looking into an endless mouth of madness future where the cycle that we live in will never end. You see only a haze of pain both your own and of other’s around you. It stretches into forever and it feeds upon itself like a snake eating its own tail. It, as any self-respecting abyss of madness does, has voices and blackness and a strong, strong allure. Its winds, a siren’s call to those sailors who have drifted too close to its edge. And into its blackness, many have been lost.
I stood on the lip of my own personal hell. I could have blamed those around me, I could have covered it in lies both mine and other’s pushed it from my mind, hidden from the world when the pull was too strong. It has crouched deep, deep within me. But it has never truly left me. Insidious, wicked and dangerous it lurks. Poised for that moment of weakness, then sinking its fangs into me when I am unaware or flailing.
My voice is my god. My soul, my guide. I stopped on the edge. Me. Behind me I could hear the voices of those close, but in the end it was I who was ready to tumble. I. You.

But my strength has been awakened.. Giants of patience and self-worth. Tall they stand and from a vantage on their back I can see for miles and miles. I can see light ahead, and green, and I can feel the sun on my face. These giants and demons do battle day by day and the giants win until I slip, and lubricated underfoot the giants tumble and are devoured by gnashing teeth and black thoughts.

Recognizing this has taken so much time. So much hurt. It has taken finally reaching a point on the edge of the abyss where the baggage you keep is exposed and you scream and scream in anguish not at the world or those around you but at yourself. I no longer sleep. I am here once more as the sun rises after a long lonely night, exorcising through these words.

But I did it. I found my courage, naked though I am left here before you. I did it because truly, I want to be naked. For the light to shine in every corner of my soul and finally lay bare my secrets, my burdens, my baggage. I can’t take it any more. I am ready to be happy. And I have laid it here for all to see and I don’t give a damn because in life you need courage, and in honesty there is courage in endless supply.



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