In lifes big parade....Im the lonliest spectator



I know I posted before about how excited I was about the next phase of my life, but...
I lied.
(Kinda.)
Let me explain. Mainly because I need to sound it out and figure out what it means outside of my head.

Life is fluid. I know this. I also know that things change, and change is good. Moving onward and upward. Out with the old, in with the new. Another day, another pound.

(That last one might not apply, but whatevs. I was on a roll.)

The crazy part is how many things are changing all at once. Evolving, more like. It's like, suddenly things that I considered as part of my abstract future are very immediate and real, and I'm wondering where all the time went.
I was doing a haircut earlier today and suddenly it hit me: I have a home. i have responsibilites. I've been setteled[mentally]. What? How did that happen? I still like to read the Sunday comics. I can't be a matured or anything.
R is going to be A mommy. Forever. She's going to have A child. Really soon. She'll never be able to just meet for an impromptu cup of tea after work, or spend the day idly trolling the mall, or get a pedicure on Hairdresser Monday without major advance planning.
It might or might not be slightly inappropriate for me to be lusting after teenage vampires. That is a whole issue in and of itself, my alter-ego 13 year old girl. I don't want to lose her. Is it time? Do I have to? Every minute I'm chronologically farther and farther away from my teen years, but whatever. It feels like yesterday.
When did I grow up?
(Wasn't I arguing about curfew just the other day? Applying for my first credit card?)
When did other people start to take me seriously?
(I still think I should sit at the kids table on the holidays, and be exempt from pitching in for Grandma's birthday dinner.)
(Seriously. They don't let me help pick the restaurant, so I don't think I should have to chip.)
Life happens so fast. You blink, and suddenly your little cousin brother is getting married, your friends are having babies, and you're going to have housewarming parties .
And if you stop, for just one second, to think about, it kind of makes you sad.
Everything is new, and exciting (and scary!) and different, and that means that life will never be the same. It's on to the next chapter.
(Seriously, it happens so fast that there's not even time for a quick spray tan. Or a latte. Those pages are turning fast.)
So you hold your memories close, kiss your loved once and pet your little hamster, and hope to God that you're ready.
Because there's no turning back now. Ready or not, life waits for no one.

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